The Friendship You Don’t See

You are the mirror I am afraid to look into. You are the truth I am afraid to hear. You are the brave I forget is inside me.

Our friendship has been many things through the years. You have been my life ring. I have been your cheerleader. You have been my advocate. I have been your laugh track. But you have never been just a casual acquaintance, and I am forever grateful for that.

I know you treasure our friendship as much as I do. There is a raw vulnerability we are able to share in our quiet moments that has bonded us. It is mutual trust and respect and admiration that drives us forward. A win for one of us is a win for both. That is a rare and beautiful thing. What our friendship brings to my life, however, is so much more than 2 a.m. confessions or comic interludes or high-fives on life.

What you don’t see are all the times I am in crises when I take a breath and hear your voice in my head, helping me clear the clutter and find my way again.

What you don’t see are the changes in my understanding of the world because you have challenged my perceptions.

What you don’t see are the decisions that I make differently now because you gifted me self-reflection and forgiveness.

What you don’t see are all the moments we can’t talk when I still carry you by my side, in my heart, wrapped around my soul.

These are the moments when I am truly grateful for your friendship. You are not someone who is convenient to talk to now and then. You have altered my being.

You have patiently reminded me that I am more than the sum of my parts. You have coaxed and nudged as I worked, alone, to put those parts back together. You have never tried to fix me. You have shown me that 1) I don’t need fixing and 2) if I want to change (fix) something, I have that power within myself.

You have given me space to be scared or angry or confused or selfish, without judgement. You created a space of comfort and safety where I could explore the messy parts of who I am. You have never tried to define me or mold me. You have offered me tissues when I wept, a pillow when I needed rest. You held my own reflection – as you see me – right in front of me where I could not question or argue with it. You have shown me that my tears do not make me weak, my doubts do not make me inferior, and my grief does not make me broken. You have shown me how to look for comfort in the mess, how to graciously push for my needs, and how to build resilience to my fears.

What you don’t see is the cognizance of a friendship that is infinitely unique. What you don’t see is the profound desire for everyone to experience a gift such as this at some point in their life. What you don’t see is recognition of the blessings this has brought to me.

I know you see our friendship as special, but there is so much more within it that you couldn’t possibly see. You have given me the gift I never believed I deserved – me, whole and ceaseless.

I am thankful – in ways you can never quite see.