A Moment of Thanks

This year the Thanksgiving holiday means something more to me. For the first time in many years it is more than a concept. So much more.

This year there are new invitations to old tables. There is welcoming of new people into old traditions. There are strangers becoming friends and friends becoming family. And I am blessed to be on both sides of these unions.

From all this, I continue to learn and to grow and to share my growing edges with all of you. This year – this season – it feels more important to share all the messy ramblings of my head that have brought me to the peace I am feeling this morning.

This season can be hard for many of us. I am learning that it doesn’t have to be. Oh, how I wish I’d learned this long ago – but I will take the revelations as they come and be grateful. The discomfort comes in our expectations shouting louder than our reality. When we begin to quiet those expectations, things change. Peace often finds its way in.

When you have asked your children for the 37th time to please put their shoes on because it’s time to leave; when you are overwhelmed and your partner has not helped in the way you needed; when the turkey has not browned at all or browned way too much; when guests don’t show up or don’t know when to leave; if your table is filled with angry shouting or the silence of only one person; if your day is shadowed by resentment or unbalanced forgiveness; remember this will not last.

Life is made up of nothing more than moments and every one of them is moving on as quickly as it arrived. This moment is the only one that matters right now – you can only live and feel and experience one moment at a time. Embrace whatever this one is. Let the good ones soak into you and nourish your soul like a rich lotion nourishes the skin. Let the unfortunate ones roll off you the way water peels from well-treated leather. Don’t fight against the moments around you, let them in. These are the gifts that all your experience has brought you – to cradle the blessings around you and to open your eyes and your heart to the lessons being presented to you.

I know these days can be difficult for many. I’ve been stuck in those feelings myself – wanting these holidays to just be over, struggling to be thankful for all the darkness and heaviness that surrounded me. I once grounded myself in anger and pain. I planted my footing so that nothing could knock me loose from that place. I thought that’s where I belonged, where I needed to be. The thing about those places built of anger and pain and unhealed wounds, is that they want you to stay and they play nasty tricks to never let you go. I fought hard to get out so many times. It was exhausting and disheartening – because nothing ever changed. Like quicksand, it grabbed hold of me and pulled me in deeper and deeper. But I’m learning new ways, learning to stop fighting against my feelings and let them be – let each moment be what it is. And like quicksand, when I stopped fighting against it, suddenly I could break free. Slowly, one step at a time, I could find my way out.

Today I can say I am free of the quicksand. Tomorrow may be a different story. But, if I get stuck or if things get dark, I know I’ll get free again. Nothing lasts. So I will be thankful for whatever is in my path.

I am thankful for the lean times, for they have taught me to recognize and be grateful for abundance.
I am thankful for the struggles, for through them I have learned that I am capable of so much.
I am thankful for the losses I endure, for they reminded me how deeply I have loved.

This year, this moment, my life is richly blessed. It is not perfect. It is not without fear or anger or hurt or confusion. But it is good. I will take every bit of this good and let it feed my soul for as long as it lasts. I am not worried about a tomorrow that is not as good. I am here, in this moment, and this is the one that matters.

For this moment, I am thankful.