Sometimes our greatest fights are within our own mind. Sometimes our most formidable foe is built of our negative or errant thoughts. This is the war I’ve been waging for a long time, over and over. Recently, I’ve faced a battle that kept me churning for days and nights over the same issue. The uneasiness went on and on, and it was exhausting.
Then, one day I awoke to clearer vision and suddenly….that battle ended. In my semi-dream state, I realized that I’d been struggling over ‘shoulds’ and ‘norms’ and ‘what ifs.’ I was interrupting my own thoughts because of arbitrary societal expectations. I told my heart she must be wrong because she didn’t follow the timeline I expected or what ‘they’ prescribed as prudent.
Suddenly I realized that my discomfort was all coming from me trying to force my truth into someone else’s narrative. I was fighting what I knew to be true for me in this moment because somewhere along my path I was told to always color inside the lines. Sorry – but the vibrancy of the colors in my heart in this moment cannot be contained. I will push these hues to the very edges, hoping they spill out onto everyone around me and color their world in new ways.
When I understood that it was my authenticity fighting to be upheld, my soul found peace. The battle was over. I have endured and enjoyed many trials of self-discovery over the past few years. This is the first time my authentic self found her voice and used it to loudly proclaim our truth. While I’ve found and expressed hard truths in the past, it was always done with timidity and tinged with fear or trepidation. This time, that authentic self stood firm and proudly proclaimed “THIS IS OUR TRUTH. STOP TRYING TO HIDE IT!”
Okay! Okay! Message received!!
Next steps – take action to live into that truth. This will include delicate conversations and moments of quiet and unrest. In this new realization, I’m not afraid of these things. I am ready to walk into that fire, armed with authenticity and truth and holy cow this is an amazing feeling!! Is this how other people have been living all along?? Learning how to let go of the fear that I’ve held so tightly since childhood is restorative and cleansing!
This is my greatest victory in quite some time and I will ride this high….which is ironically grounding….for as long as possible.
Loved this! I am getting to the same place myself, you described it perfectly. Tried leaving you 5 ⭐️ but it kept changing 4, then 2, but know it’s a 5!
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Awww…thank you so much! And I’m glad to hear you’re moving in a good direction, too!!