Eye Contact

Staring deeply. She made eye contact. The message had to get through this time.

“I’m done with your lies. Do you understand how much you’ve hurt me? Over and over. I believed in you – in ‘us’ – and you threw it all away. You lied to me, turned your back on me, made me feel like a fool – like less of a woman. How is it so easy for you to treat me this way?

“I have been hurt so deeply before. You knew that! My heart has been broken so many times that what remains doesn’t even fit together anymore. There are gaps where the pain of old aches leak out and spill into today. There are bits that overlap and block me from feeling all I could. The fragile edges are rough with jagged scars of damage left by others. The outer shell has been hardened by repeated blows from uncaring foes.

“Inside, my heart is weak. She weeps most of the time. For me, for who I was, for my friends and family, for the world. She hears so much and she takes it all in. Drawing it deeper into her, trying to protect it. All of it. She wanted to protect you. She loves you. More than all the others that have touched her tenderly. She wanted to make you happy. She wanted to give you dreams that held on in the daylight. She wanted to share adventures with you. She believed in you. She has always believed in you.

“You told her you would care for her. She made room for you, opening doors that had long ago been closed and bolted. You made her feel safe, and she found the keys to all those rusty locks that held her pain, the truth she locked away because it was too overwhelming to claim. You opened those locks for her – for me. There was our truth, laid out in the light – dark and evil and dripping with anguish. It held such power over me for so many years. I tried to run from it and you brought me back to it time and time again. You shined the light and told me to look at it, to name it, to claim it and overcome it. YOU gave me strength to be better than I was. And now you leave me to live in the mess left behind. I’m not strong enough for this. The pain is too much. And you added to it!

“It was just a game for you. You only wanted to see how much I would confess, how far I would share my pain. I was merely a toy and I no longer amuse you. So, you’ve left me. Again.

“I am alone. I am frightened and broken and unable to see the light. And you don’t care.

“You were supposed to love me. You said you loved me – you promised! I won’t listen to your lies anymore. I won’t let you hurt me anymore.”

 

The message had to get through this time. She made eye contact.

Staring deeply into her reflection in the mirror.