The Hard Fought Win

This is my phone wallpaper for a while. I need this reminder.

My last recovery was a hard fight for me. Harder than it should have been. Much more than he deserved. I can still feel the way it choked me, left a knot in my stomach. I was broken in a way I have not felt in a very long time.

I let myself ride the high to places that scared me. I soared in a euphoria that rivaled the most glorious sunrise. But, flying that high brings a greater fall. And fall I did. Crashed. Burned. Left for dead.

I spent too many days longing, too many nights crying. Moment after moment taken up by the wrong thoughts. Finally I would feel free of the hold the darkness had on me, only to be pulled back in after only a couple days in the light. I was stuck in a chasm of emptiness.

Thanks to the constant support of the angels that surround me, I clawed my way out of that chasm. I still teeter on the edge. It’s okay. It’s a big chasm. It will take a while to get far enough away to really be safe. As long as I don’t step over that edge and get swallowed up again by the darkness, I can teeter. I’ve regained my balance.