Subtle is Still Huge

This. This is what I’ve been waiting for. I saw this ring a while ago and fell in love with it. It is a two-piece sterling silver ring that is cut like puzzle pieces and fits together. One half is polished and shiny and smooth. One half is etched and striated and worn. The inscription inside reads “Until all the pieces fit.”

This is our life. My son lives with Asperger’s and he is my puzzle. Sometimes I find I’m with a polished boy who is polite and engaging and full of laughter. Sometimes I am with a boy is worn by this world and feels the need to hide or to lash out. But this is all him – parts of him. All the messy, funny, whiny, inquisitive, frightened, fierce, lonely, determined, focused and critical parts fit together to make my perfect boy. Not perfect to the world, but perfect for me.

This ring is subtle, like his struggles. He is not a non-verbal autistic child who is bombarded by sounds and recoils from touch. He is a boy with some challenges who has worked hard to maintain composure when it’s necessary and feels safe to fall apart when he’s with me. The struggles of Asperger’s are often subtle in our life. But, it is huge part of our life. Someday I hope he feels like all his pieces fit. I want him to feel like a puzzle, with all his different pieces – that’s what makes him the beautiful boy he is. But, I want him to feel whole and complete. Someday I hope he no longer feels like something is missing, like pieces don’t quite fit. I will fight for him and with him, until all the pieces fit.

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