A Look Changes Everything (day 2)

Today began with a startled realization 15 minutes later than it should have.

Today continued with forgotten papers, medicine not taken, bad coffee, moldy bread, spiders, loose buttons, a lost glove, and leaky boot.

At work I was met with too little staffing for next week, disgruntled patrons, piles of paperwork that never seem to get smaller no matter how long I work, broken equipment, fire alarm panels flashing strange codes, supply orders not received, budget constraints that are hard to live within, cars parked in “No Parking” zones, busses with incomplete paperwork, jammed printers, sickness, calls not returned, reports that need to be completed, computer programs with missing information, piles of miscellaneous items that always seem to find their way to my office when no one knows quite what to do with them, and that was all before lunch.  The list could go on, and on, and on….

Then, the dreaded phone call.  A very important issue was being addressed and today I found out that everything we had done over the last 2-3 weeks has been in vain.  We are back at square one with a deadline staring us in the face.  I am frustrated.  I am angry.  I am worried.  And I am in a very bad place – both emotionally and with this issue.  It must be dealt with – NOW.

Next steps: deep breath, lots of emails, a few phone calls and many prayers.  Tomorrow I will start the cycle again – emails, phone calls and prayer.  Just hope I remember to breathe.

This was not a particularly good day for me.  But, I wasn’t prepared for the worst moment of my day.  In a much too fleeting moment, I asked a friend “how are you?”  The look in her eyes as she shared her shallow answer meant to just stop the conversation was familiar and agonizing.  I saw hurt – deep hurt.  I saw a broken heart twisted with anger and confusion and doubt.  I know that look – I understand that feeling.  And I hate that I can’t fix it for her.

Far too quickly, life got in the way.  I wish I could be one of those people who puts everything else aside when a friend needs me.  But I’ve never figured out how to navigate that tide.  The kids still need to be picked up, the meetings still happen, the bank and the grocery store are still waiting.  I’m not sure how that works.

I wish I could hug her now  – now that the kids are in bed, the meetings are done and the banks and stores are closed.  I wish I could sit with her and just listen for as long as she wanted to talk.  I wish I could offer support without judgment.  I wish we could share wine and cheese until the tears of sorrow turned to tears of laughter.  Then I’d know she’s on her way to a better place.

I hope someone made her laugh tonight.  Such a pretty smile should be shared as much as possible.